Life Retakes !

I'm growing weary of the continuous retakes in my life, particularly in the scene titled 'Love,' which I've consistently failed to master. Despite being more than 25 years old and having spent more than a decade entangled in love, I've yet to truly grasp its essence. One significant hurdle in this pursuit has been finding a partner who matches my energy and reciprocates it equally. Relationships often start promisingly, only to fizzle out as my partner loses interest or reveals a different side, perhaps finding my intensity too overwhelming.

My energy continues to surge, but partners struggle to keep pace. While it's understandable, I cannot continue scenes that lack vitality. The prospect becomes mundane, and I refuse to be part of or direct a lifeless movie.

With each new partner, assurances of a beautiful, lasting connection are made, but things inevitably spiral out of control. Initially, I was patient, but now even the slightest disruption in the rhythm triggers anxiety, prompting me to consider ending it right then and there. I've lost the patience to keep trying, only to realize it was futile once more. My desire for a simpler, slower love seems incompatible with my desperation to break free from this deadlock.

People often say love will find me when the time is right, and I want to believe in that. Indeed, I am keeping my faith alive, for without it, I might descend into madness. Yet, despite my trust in the universe, I reach moments when I contemplate surrender. I am aware that I'm not fighting this battle alone, but I can't fathom why each person facing the same struggles becomes both a reflection of my battle and the obstacle in someone else's journey.

Why have we, including myself, become so entangled? Why is it so challenging to self-reflect? Why are we obstructing someone else's beautiful ending? Why can't we allow people to rest, to relish the movie they so desperately want to complete and replay endlessly?